My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
