You work out of a Hotel?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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