I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
