so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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