so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
