Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He felt like a one man threesome
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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