Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
