Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
