it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
