cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
