his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
