He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
