I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
