I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
