You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
