Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
