I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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