help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
