Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
