he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Boobs speak an international language.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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