just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
