mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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