I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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