I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
