apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
