after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
