Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
did i walk over a car last night?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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