yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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