it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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