She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
