Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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