I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.