I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dating After Heartbreak
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.