Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.