i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.