I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.