If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!