Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.