You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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