my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
