Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
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My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
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