I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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