I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
