i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
