the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
