I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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