So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
