I will die if light touches me.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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