You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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