Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
