remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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