Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
