I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
