Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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