I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
