We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
