Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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