is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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