TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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