I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
