Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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