He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
