so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
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She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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