she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
When are your genitals available?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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