just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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