I wish life had little blips of pornography
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
