So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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