I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
