Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
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We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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