i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Randomize
