I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
