the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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