the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
and you fell through a lawn chair
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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