Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
