I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
