Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
