She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
